GORDON VS MARCO: THE CHOICE.

I was recently asked by a colleague who, between Gordon Ramsey and Marco Pierre White, I would have sexual relations with. I bet you weren't expecting that were you?

Well, shall we say that were I that way inclined, i.e. not straight, (Although no-one is a hundred percent straight if you've seen some of the things I've seen!), and both Marco and Gordon were also by extreme coincidence gay, I'd have to say that the person on the end of my punishment stick would be Gordon Ramsey. Why? Well, how can I put this? Shall we say that whilst Marco-Pierre does look like the type who could go through an entire brothel without stopping for a rest, (He could certainly afford it!), I think the fact he looks as if the word "shower" and "get the fuck in" have never been uttered towards him in his how ever many years of existence. Maybe he has the rough and ready look for televisual purposes, but based on this I'd much prefer that "fucking" Gordon Ramsey. Having set foot into one of his restaurants, (literally a foot, then I decided to go someplace else instead, but for good reasons...), I can definitely feel the love he's trying to pass on. Marco Pierre's love love lovin' may be a little more obvious, but the way he leers over Page Three stars may just get me a little mad.

Plus, since people seem to talk about food in pornographic terms these days, I'm gonna do it too! Seriously, there does seem to be a fine line between restaurant reviewing and verbal porn. Marco Pierre Whites maniacal stares and kitchen cloth bandanna style tie back seem totally harking back to the days when porn was about ugly men doing beautiful girls. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who thinks that the lovely Marco resembles a (retired) porn star who's turned to cooking to give the love. Although saying that a table won't get their food because he doesn't like them is a bit like the traditional headache at bed time that women (and men) apparently fake. Thank god he said that, because him on top of me, or besides me vertically either, come to think of it, is not something that's on my Christmas wish list! (I'll have a meal though, if he wants to serve me!)

Bear in mind here, that I am actually a male, and am straight. The person who asked me was a girl. (She said she's do Marco, by the way! Blindfold at the ready...) To be honest, gay or straight, chefs, especially of the celebrity kind, are not the best to my mind anyway. (Apart from Gordon Ramsey...) Now I ask you, dear readers, given the chance and the correct sexual alignment, who would you invite to your sleeping domain?

It's still my beautiful partner, by the way. Although Gordon was good for this post only...wink wink!

Mnsr Seba